Being An Asexual Ally

I’ve just published my first guest post at another blog! It’s very exciting. You can find it here at Hoyden About Town.


Talking about asexuality in discussions of feminism (and all its intersectionalities) is not the easiest task. As a recent thread at the high-profile blog Feministe has once again shown, attempts at any form of meaningful discussion around asexuality and feminism tend to degenerate into 101-style questioning which then rapidly becomes hostile, challenging asexual people to prove or legitimise their identity or denying it outright.

Being an ally means talking to people about asexuality and accepting their identity as they describe it. It means asking questions only when you’re genuinely interested in hearing the answer. If your mindset is already fixed at “I don’t quite understand x, therefore asexuality cannot be valid,” then do everyone a favour and just walk away.

Being an ally to asexual people means recognising that asexual people suffer oppression in the form of invisibility and intolerance every day. Our whole society is so centred on sexual desire, so intensely focussed on sexual behaviour as the central aspect of our identities. We’re lucky if we can come out to someone and that person actually knows what “asexual” means without us having to explain it.

Head over there to read the whole post! I’m quite proud of it.

2 thoughts on “Being An Asexual Ally

  1. I read with interest your guest blog @hoyden and would like to first congratulate you for having the courage to speak out about this issue. I didn’t know that there was this category. Yet I believe that there are plenty of historical antecedents for your orientation as an asexual person. There are many instances of women living together who may or may not have been queer or asexual.

    I would like to also apologise for (almost) the last time I met you, you had recently returned from OS and I asked you if you had lost your virginity. I was being cheeky and hope that I didn’t offend.

    I will keep on reading your blog posts because they cause me to think about things that I wouldn’t otherwise.

    1. Thanks Delilah! I didn’t know about asexuality myself before six months ago, and I’m generally very clued up about sexualities and such. It’s still such an invisible group (and medically still seen as a disorder, like being gay once was.) I’m glad you liked the post, do you follow Hoyden About Town? Also, it makes me happy when people say I make them think about things. That’s my aim!

      Don’t worry about the virginity comment, I can’t even remember it, and I’m sure I wouldn’t have taken offense anyway. But hey, it shows how taken-for-granted being sexual is, doesn’t it? 🙂

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