It’s been a bit quiet here on the blog lately. The beginning of the year is always pretty busy, if not with uni work, then with life things – visiting family, getting back into the research job I got for the summer, organising to go overseas at the end of the month, pondering the year to come. Being sick on new year’s eve.
So I know it’s a bit late, but I’d like to wish everyone reading this blog a happy new year. I hope that this year will bring you what you are looking for in it, and maybe even surprise you in a nice way. I wish you the strength to pursue your dreams, and cast aside the things that are holding you back. I hope that you’ll find happiness in your life – and it not, that you have someone to share your sadness and frustrations with. After all, happiness can be hard sometimes.
I haven’t made a new year’s resolution in many years, after I realised that constantly resolving to be better at school when I already was top of my year was a bit self-defeating. This year I thought I’d give it a go again. Obviously, there are always so many things I could decide to do: get perfect grades, be a better person, exercise more, blog more, be a better feminist, stop using the word ‘like’, stop wasting time on Facebook, break the procrastination habit… But I feel like I should limit myself to something – hey, maybe my resolution can be to stop thinking I have to do all those things. But I’ve thought about it, and here are the two things I’d like to work on this year.
First, I want to stop putting up with problems by body is having – specifically, in terms of my back pain and my foot pain. I’ve had undiagnosed foot pain ever since I walked across Spain three years ago, meaning that I can’t really walk or stand for more than half an hour without my feet getting really, really mad at me. It makes things like going into the city on the weekend with friends really hard. I’ve seen two podiatrists and both are stumped, so part of looking after this problem means doing research and actually asking my doctors for referrals so that I can find out what’s happening. Likewise, I’ve been getting all sorts of back pain while I’m sitting and lying down for a year and a half now, and every time I manage to deal with it a little, I lose focus and let it get really bad again. It’s making studying really frustrating, so I want to get on top of it. I want to actually go and talk to people who can help me, rather than just hoping that it will magically go away.
And secondly, I’d like to figure out what’s been making me get increasingly anxious and worried in the last half year or so, and deal with that. I’ve noticed that I’ve been worrying a lot more about things that didn’t used to worry me – like being a good person and living by a code of ethics, and getting anxious about things in the distant future that I really don’t need to worry about yet. I used to get panic attacks in high school when I didn’t know what I was doing in a situation, and I’ve noticed that I’m starting to get those feelings again – physical reactions as well as mental reactions. So I figure if my body’s telling me something’s wrong, I need to start doing something about that as well.
Of course, I’m not expecting to solve with any of those problems fully in the space of a year. But I want to make a start, and engage with them rather than push them aside and hope for the best.
Is there anything you have decided for this year, dear readers?