For those interested, I’ve got a new post up on The Asexual Agenda, in which I talk about the rhetoric of relationships needing to ‘progress’ to be successful and how just because you’re taking a step backwards doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed to fail.
Check it out if you like!
Here’s an excerpt from the introduction:
We don’t tend to talk much about actually being in relationships in the ace community. There’s a small subsection (on AVEN, mainly) who talk about how to deal with non-ace partners and their desires, but in my experience those discussions all tend to have the same or very similar endings. And many of us will talk in great detail about what we’d potentially want in a relationship, without being in one. But when it comes to actually being in a relationship, especially with another ace person, we’re a pretty quiet bunch. (And I do get why, as well: because it’s damn hard to talk about being in a relationship in public. That’s just the truth.)
We’re also a very diverse community, which probably has a much better-than-average idea of where our boundaries – physical and emotional – lie, and how those boundaries might change. And the possibility for change is what I really want to talk about here, because sometimes that change involves taking a step backwards on the conventional relationship scale. And that is not a sign that a relationship is doomed or in danger of failing. The opposite is true: being able to step backwards can actually be helpful and strengthening to a relationship.